YOU CAN'T CHEAT DEATH
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the
admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you
had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would go
into
effect at noon the next day.
The next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven.
The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly said to the
man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going
when you died."
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my
lunch hour and caught my wife half naked and appearing to be having an
affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching
for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.
Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony
and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!
The nerve of that guy!
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell
to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and
bushes
that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more.
In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands
on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the
refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony,and tipped
it
over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!
The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and
died almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a
bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announces, "OK sir.
Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it was
Vernon Jordan. "Mr. Jordan, before I can let you in, I need to hear about
what your day was like when you died."
Jordan said, "No problem. But
you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor
apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so
I
was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little
carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I
was
able to catch myself by the finger tips on the balcony below mine.
But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment,
starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well of course I fell. I hit
some
trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right
away.
As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in
excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off
the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me killing me
instantly."
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Jordan finishes his story. "I
could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well,"
the
Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets Vernon
enter.
A few seconds later, President Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is
almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour
through
the Angel's head. Finally he says "Mr. President, please tell me what it
was like the day you died."
Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked inside this refrigerator..."