Badtimes Virus
If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes", DELETE IT IMMEDIATELY.
Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only
erase
everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on
disks
within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL
of
your
credit cards.
It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your
VCR
and
uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to
play.
It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all
your
ice
cream melts and your milk curdles.
It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's
number.
The virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your beer.
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting
company.
Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton
fuzz
(be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine,
all
while
dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their
hotel
rendevous to your Visa card.
It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that
is
only fun until someone loses an eye.
It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to
passive
tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly
change
the
interpretations of key sentences.
If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it
will
leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in
dangerously
close to a full bathtub.
It will replace your luncheon meat with Spam.
It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to
smell
like dill pickles.
It is insidious and subtle.
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
These are just a few signs of infection.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!
The survival of mankind and human life on earth as we know it is at
stake!